cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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