I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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