So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
