garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
