Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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