scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
