The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
