I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
