he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
