We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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