dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
