Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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