Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
