i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
