I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
