all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
