No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
