your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
