He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
