You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
