Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
