I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
