Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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