it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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