a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
