someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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