there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
