So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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