shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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