OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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