are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
