Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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