Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
