well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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