She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
