were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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