at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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