also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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