tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
