matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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