i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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