theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
