so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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