so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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