She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
