Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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