I got chris browned last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
