Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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