got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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