She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
